Monday, March 23, 2015

Confessions of a Harlot

 What can I say... the Word 'Slut' seems a bit inappropriate to put in a title...  But the reality is that four years ago... it was a seemingly permanent stamp on my soul.

While a lot of us can say we were promiscuous in high school and college, it's truly an understatement for the road I was traveling. Although, I don't want to bring to light details, I believe it's important to recognize the part of our self that we try to forget.

When you have multiple partners in life, thoughts of these people will always creep in. Thoughts you want to forget--especially once you have moved on...

 When I became a Christian and was baptized, I knew that all the dirt was gone--All the guilt, all the shame, all the filth that came with it.

However, when you go from living a life of no conviction into a long term relationship.... That blossoms into a marriage... how do you protect yourself from making mistakes? How do you protect yourself from something you want to forget?

The reason I bring this to your attention is because I believe that the enemy is trying so desperately to find himself in the middle of relationships. He wants to dig into the parts of our hearts that we try to cover up. The parts of our hearts that became new... but that we never truly faced.

Even though my story is radical. Even though I was saved from a drug addiction. Even though I was brought to freedom... there is a very deep root. A root that in the silent moments reminds me of what I once was.

When I look in the mirror I see it.

I can see it in my lips--lips burnt from meth, I can see it in my eyes--eyes that will sometimes appear lost, I can see it in my body--a body who had a baby boy out of wedlock. And unless I am consistently saturating myself in the Word, the root that I want more than anything to die, begins to grow.

I say all this to say that no MAN will ever satisfy the desires of your heart. We were never made for it to.

People always say that "women get married to change a man, and men get married to women that will remain the same person." I find flaws in this. I believe it opens the door for the enemy to  try to limit the power that God has in a relationship.

If the enemy can keep you from praying for change in your relationship, than he knows that he can get you to try to find change somewhere else.  Oh, you are bored with your marriage? The enemy says, "Here is another man that will feed your emotional need." Oh, that's not enough? The enemy says, "Here is a man that will feed your sexual needs."

Again, no one man is meant to fulfill you. The enemy knows this. That's why marriages fall apart from cheating spouses--emotionally and physically.

If we had one man that fulfilled all our needs, we wouldn't have the need to seek out the one who truly will. JESUS is the only thing that will meet every desire.

How can we truly believe the lie that our partners will never change, when Christ constantly changes things in our own hearts?

Even though the root is deep, the blood of Christ runs deeper.

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