I quit. It's too hard. I can't put on my armor. I have no energy. There's just too much to do... Too much on my plate. And I get it, I do it to myself.
I get in this routine... Constantly trying to do things on my own. Fighting battles God never intended me to fight and then... When I run to God... And I attempt to put on the armor... I am too tired from the fighting I already did... The unprepared battling.. That my strength let's me down.
I attempt to pick up my bible and read. But my head is filled with distractions. I try to stand firm by fastening the belt of truth, but I've let so many lies in that it won't fasten. I try to put on the breastplate of righteousness, but I feel unworthy, so it falls off. I try to put on the shoes of readiness, but it hurts the blisters that are already there from me walking in my own way.
I want to take up my shield of faith, but everytime I pick it up, I doubt it's power to protect me.
I have been compromised. I have already gone about my weeks unarmored and unprepared. My attempts to fight the enemy have failed... Everytime... And i feel a thousand miles away from God. (Just being honest).
So I quit... trying to do it on my own. I quit... trying to be fierce. The enemy isn't scared of ME. I've got my back against the wall. So I quit.
Your thinking surely that can't be it. The enemy can't win.
Exactly. Even though I QUIT, God doesn't.
"Finally, be STRONG IN THE LORD, and in the STRENGTH of HIS MIGHT, put on the WHOLE armor." Ephesians 5:10
I've missed it. This whole time trying to put on my armor. It doesn't say that I Can put it on, it's only by HIS strength we can put on the armor. It's only by HIS MIGHT.
And right now, if you feel like me, and want to quit putting it on. Pick up your bible, pray that God gives you HIS STRENGTH, and even if you don't FEEL HIM, seek him, because you will FIND HIM.
This morning, HE helped put my armor on. The armor I couldn't put on by myself. I was a wounded warrior and He came and healed me... So that I may stand in HIS STRENGTH... And allow HIM to DRESS Me for the battle ahead.
This time, I'm following his lead...because it's in HIS presence that my mind is peaceful, my heart is full, and the battle is won.