Change Won't Come

There is no escaping controversial issues.  

 They are literally overwhelming. While the bigger issues create a larger media pool, I find that they should never have been put on a pedestal in the first place. 

I get it. We want change. There are things in the world that have to change... But it won't come the way we are doing it.... and if it does, and it comes from hate.... it won't be how we wanted it. 

Honestly, after seeing the movie Selma it made me realize how change comes. It doesn't come from a place of fear, and it certainly doesn't come from a place of selfishness or ulterior motives. He stood on truth and the power of it. He did it so that the WORLD could be in harmony. 

Everyone wants to feel like they are a part of something and everyone wants to make a difference. However, in trying to do so, it's turned into hate vs hate. 

Religion Vs the World.   

God never intended for Religion to be against the world, just not OF the world. We got it twisted. As  believers we try to force our judgements onto those who don't think the same. We push and they push back. 

I'm sick of seeing it. It's the defensive attitude that creates chaos. At this point, I don't think it's really about people being gay, weed being legalized, or church being hateful... I think it's that we all are trying to PROVE A POINT that our way is the right way. 

Defending something the way that all of us are trying to do it... is erratic. We don't just try to defend our stance, but we take a jab at something that seems like it will prove our point further. But who are we trying to convince? 

Just stop. No one is going to win this way, it won't create change. It will only create division. All people want to do is be loved. So where is the reconciliation when the church cuts down it's brothers and sisters? Where is the change going to come when the rest of the world tells the church that they are being hateful? 

The world will spin on and if we want to truly change something while we are here on this earth. Stop  talking. Stop trying to defend something to the world when you are just trying to make yourself believe it. 

The truth always wins out. If we know that we are living right,  we don't have to talk about it-- just have to be it. Let the way that you live your life be all the defense you need and let your actions bring people together, not tear them apart. 

Not Good Enough

What makes us individuals? What truly makes us unique? 

The small things. Yeah, the small things. 

It amazes me how something can so quickly attach itself to our minds at just a glance. 

In highschool--and even in Junior high--I remember my friends and I writing notes back and forth to each other. When I would get a note that had great handwriting, I would try to mimic it. I got pretty good at taking other peoples handwriting and making it my own. 

I changed my writing style probably about a hundred times, trying to figure out which one I was meant to write like. But I could never do it as good at the original and I certainly couldn't take notes fast like the ones who truly owned the ability to write like themselves. 

It seems silly now, and every time I write, I think about it. I think about all the different people and the places I first saw their handwriting. 

That's just what people do. We watch other people. We are influenced by the way they dress, to the way they wear their hair, the way someone laughs, to the way they treat other people... down to even the little things.... like the way they write.

But, just like in handwriting, we are not them. We can never be them. We can never be as good as them at who they are. If we try, we may imitate it for a while, but then we will... get burnt out.

Why do we try so hard? Is it because we see all the compliments people get? Is it because we want to impress? And if we get that compliment that we have been working so hard for after copying someone else, is it truly worth it? 

Today, when I sat down to write a note to myself... I realized how important it is to just be CONFIDENT in who you are as a person. We can be so critical of ourselves.  My handwriting that I have now, I love it. It's me. It's funny how even your handwriting can change after you meet Jesus. 

So, here is my challenge for you:

I encourage you today to just sit down and write... write on paper. write with your favorite pen. Let your writing be an EXPRESSION of who you are.... Don't think about other people or their styles. Just let it flow from your hand gracefully. Because You will find that your handwriting is a gift... MEANT to be only YOURS. Realize that it's you who influences others, that YOU will help them to find who THEY are. 

Handwriting is more than just words on paper, it's your soul in ink. 

Confessions of a Harlot

 What can I say... the Word 'Slut' seems a bit inappropriate to put in a title...  But the reality is that four years ago... it was a seemingly permanent stamp on my soul.

While a lot of us can say we were promiscuous in high school and college, it's truly an understatement for the road I was traveling. Although, I don't want to bring to light details, I believe it's important to recognize the part of our self that we try to forget.

When you have multiple partners in life, thoughts of these people will always creep in. Thoughts you want to forget--especially once you have moved on...

 When I became a Christian and was baptized, I knew that all the dirt was gone--All the guilt, all the shame, all the filth that came with it.

However, when you go from living a life of no conviction into a long term relationship.... That blossoms into a marriage... how do you protect yourself from making mistakes? How do you protect yourself from something you want to forget?

The reason I bring this to your attention is because I believe that the enemy is trying so desperately to find himself in the middle of relationships. He wants to dig into the parts of our hearts that we try to cover up. The parts of our hearts that became new... but that we never truly faced.

Even though my story is radical. Even though I was saved from a drug addiction. Even though I was brought to freedom... there is a very deep root. A root that in the silent moments reminds me of what I once was.

When I look in the mirror I see it.

I can see it in my lips--lips burnt from meth, I can see it in my eyes--eyes that will sometimes appear lost, I can see it in my body--a body who had a baby boy out of wedlock. And unless I am consistently saturating myself in the Word, the root that I want more than anything to die, begins to grow.

I say all this to say that no MAN will ever satisfy the desires of your heart. We were never made for it to.

People always say that "women get married to change a man, and men get married to women that will remain the same person." I find flaws in this. I believe it opens the door for the enemy to  try to limit the power that God has in a relationship.

If the enemy can keep you from praying for change in your relationship, than he knows that he can get you to try to find change somewhere else.  Oh, you are bored with your marriage? The enemy says, "Here is another man that will feed your emotional need." Oh, that's not enough? The enemy says, "Here is a man that will feed your sexual needs."

Again, no one man is meant to fulfill you. The enemy knows this. That's why marriages fall apart from cheating spouses--emotionally and physically.

If we had one man that fulfilled all our needs, we wouldn't have the need to seek out the one who truly will. JESUS is the only thing that will meet every desire.

How can we truly believe the lie that our partners will never change, when Christ constantly changes things in our own hearts?

Even though the root is deep, the blood of Christ runs deeper.

Send it back

It's been a little while since I have sat down to write. In fact, I feel like I have lost touch with what it is exactly I'm even supposed to share anymore.  

In all honesty I've been keeping myself busy with business, trying to keep myself from getting stagnant. I'm afraid that I've kept myself out of my Word and my focus has been on all the wrong things. Until yesterday. 

Isn't it funny how God can use the seemingly "small details" of life to get your attention back? 

Yesterday, in the late afternoon, I was desperate for a coffee. I just could not.wake.up!!!  It's been three days since I had a coffee as I've been trying to shake the 'Addiction'.  But I just needed it. I needed it bad. 

So, I asked austin to take me to starbucks (where he currently works) and to get me an iced coffee with caramel in it! Yummy!  I mean, if I was going to break my no coffee fast, I needed it to be well worth it. 

We go through the drive through and the lady hands us our order.  But... It wasn't right. It was bitter, milkless, and had some sort of funky flavor. I've never in my life had an iced coffee that tasted the way this coffee did. 

Not only was it the wrong coffee, but it was the wrong size. So austin asked the lady if she wouldn't mind making it the right size, thinking she would realize her mistake in making the wrong drink as well. Instead, she politely handed us two of the same drink. One large, one small. And said to keep them both. 

Austin drove away and we parked. I felt so bad! As much as I wanted to just be thankful for these coffees (1 free), my heart was anything but. I was CRAVING a good starbucks coffee and I always go for the consistency! They never fail me. 

I looked at austin and said, "can you please just go in there and tell her that this is the wrong drink?" 

He looked back at me, agreed with me that they were terrible, but disagreed that he should go ask for another one. 

While I understand why he didn't want to, I felt that the girl should know that the drink she made wasn't correct and that we appreciated the ones she gave us and just to politely correct our order. Heck, even throw in a five $ tip 👍! she was super nice and I knew she wouldn't mind. 

Austin refused to go in and said "let's just drink these." Soooo we drove off... Had to unfortunately dump the coffees (trust me, they were terrible) And I eventually got my coffee fix from mcd's, of all places. :/ 

While this seems ridiculous, so many of us will go to restaurants, diners, and coffee shops, make an order, and if it's wrong, we just say thank you and suck it up. 

While this may seem humble, it's truly not. No one wins in this situation. Sure, if it's something as easy as "scraping the ketchup or onions" off a burger, great! No biggie, but if it's entirely wrong? 

Now, don't get me WRONG, it's not about being PETTY. In fact, it's completely opposite. 

I believe that if we can't be courageous enough to ask for the small things that we don't think we deserve, we won't courageously come to Gods throne and ask for the big stuff...

See, It was never about the wrong drink, it's about being courageous enough to ask for the right one without losing the greatfulness behind the wrong one.

 

Always be thankful... and full of gratitude for what he has already given us, while asking fearlessly for what your heart desires..

If we can do it in the small things, we can do it in the big things. It takes bravery. And it takes remembering that:

 It has nothing to do with what we deserve but everything to do with what we are worth. 

And God thinks we are worth it.