Sunday, October 19, 2014


When there is a tragedy, there is aftermath. Once the dust has settled, things are never the same. 

While Romans 8:28 has been my POWER verse this last week, last night I was having a hard time accepting the AfterMath. 

This car accident is a blessing. No doubt.  But I struggle having Austin wait on me hand and foot, I struggle taking medicine daily, I struggle knowing that this could be a lifelong pain in my lower back. It's hard... It's even harder when my heart feels heavy. 

I know these emotions are going to come and go. There's days I feel on top of the mountain and days I feel like I've been left in the deepest valley. The worst part is... Feeling like I'm dragging people down with me...people that rely on me. So I push myself. I don't have TIME to let go of life. I don't have TIME to just heal. 

But JESUS..... 

Yes... He reminds me... 

Yesterday, I got a free consult from an attorney. The attorney said he wanted to make sure we didn't get the bare minimum, because the bare minimum will  not cover future medical, and future lost wages. He said "I will get all the medical records, I will talk on behalf for you, I will do all I can and then at the end of it, help you walk away with EXACTLY what you need." 

I've never had to have my own attorney, fighting a battle that I hardly understand, yet he does. It's put a new spin on when people say JESUS is like our attorney. 

He doesn't only go to bat for us-for free- but he also understands why he has to defend us... Even when we don't. There's darkness and principalities that we fight, that we don't see. Jesus takes the enemy for all he has... Because what he had ... Was our soul. 

Jesus gets it. He does all the hard work. All we are asked to do, is trust him. And He will fight for us. Rely on him, and he will provide exactly what we need. 

Don't worry about tomorrow, even if it seems like it will never come. Let Jesus fight on your behalf... and look at your day with Eternity in mind. 

If you have Jesus, you have forever. 

Friday, October 10, 2014

Not an Accident

I keep replaying the accident in my mind. I try to just focus on the things ahead... But on bed rest... I feel so beat. 

It was Wednesday after work around 4:45 when I was stuck in stop and go traffic. At around 4:55, I had just hung up the phone with Austin and grabbed both hands onto my steering wheel, watching as all the cars in front of me came to a stop. 

That's when I heard it. The crunching of metal. The shattering of my back windshield, the guts of the inside of my car all now lay in the front seat and the smoke started to rise. While it was so fast... It was slow motion. 

My air bags never deployed. My body was flung forward... And I was at the mercy of God until the reaction would stop. 

A large Silverado truck had been going round 60 and slammed into the back of my car... Hard enough to total my car, and cause me to hit another car and another. It was a four car accident... And I was the one to get the direct hit.

I got out of my car - my mind racing- when a young man named Samuel, ran from the sidewalk to my car. He asked my name and instantly asked if he could pray for me. He prayed that my back would be healed. The pain started to pulse as the adrenaline was wearing off . I was honored that he prayed for me. 

A woman named Rebecca then came and asked if I was hurting. She told me to sit down and then she laid out a blanket and asked if I could lay down while we wait for the ambulance. She knew once the adrenaline wore off, anything that hurt, would be hurting much worse.

As much as I appreciated the help, my heart went out to the man who had hit all three of us. He looked so sad and broken. When he got out of his truck, everyone stared and judged him. Even though his appearance didn't help him, with no shirt, a beer belly, and long stringy hair... I hated that even if he wasn't intoxicated or on drugs, his appearance caused so many people to scowl in his direction.

I said a prayer under my breath for him and the other drivers while the fire truck pulled up.  

Austin, Nea, Chase and my cousin arrived to the scene, just as I was being loaded into the ambulance. I hated to complain about my back... But I am extremely glad... I went to the hospital. 

Once there, Tiffany Blansit was the first to arrive by my bedside. All I can say was I felt so much better with her there. Kansas City Mom to the RESCUE!  While the hospital was extremely busy, she kept having to get the attention of the nurses and dr's because it took over two hours for me to even be LOOKED AT. 

My pain had increased and my body was going through waves of shock. One minute I would be cold, shivering, and needing blankets. The next, I would be hot, sweaty, heart racing, pain would shoot from my lower back to my head, to my toes, I would get numb and sick, and my breathing would become short and intense. I would cry out and tiff would tell me to look at her and take deep breaths. She then told me when the dr's come in, not to minimize my pain. If something hurt, I needed to tell them. 

I had about 3 episodes until my nurse finally came in with a shot of morphine. It calmed me down, made my episodes almost stop, and helped my body to process my pain. 

We were in the hospital from 5:30pm-7:30am the next day. Austin and Jamie stuck by my side the ENTIRE night while I had cat scans, X-rays and An MRI.  

As sucky as it was to be in the hospital, I am so thankful I went. I don't know if I would have been able to handle the shock to my body if I would have just gone straight home. 

I have a bulging disc in my lower back, which was causing the numbness in my legs and arms. While the swelling has gone down quite a bit, my back is still extremely sore and tender to the touch. 

This weekend was a big weekend for me. I was going to go to DFL @ James River in Springfield! I was so excited for the spiritual revival and the chance to have. Mini vacation and see my family!!!

But God knew... And he was with me through the accident... And through the people he spoke to me... And if I wouldn't have had both hands on the wheel, I would have hit my head and been seriously hurt. God knew the exact moment the accident would happen. 

Although, I wanted badly to go to Springfield, Jamie and I were able to have one of the best, encouraging JESUS talks I have had in a long time. We had been shown some of the same things... And God is continually teaching us. 

As much as an accident effects everyone close, near and dear... It brought all of us together. Everything happens for a reason, and with God, there are no accidents. 

I praise you JESUS and I am thankful.