Friday, July 25, 2014

My Heart Cries Out

There's a path I know that I am walking on. A Path that is laid out just for me.
There are times I have stumbled along.. dragged myself along... or flat out sat down impatiently.

One thing, never changes. The direction in which I am going.

I know that there are hills, mountains, and valleys ahead of me. For what it's worth, I am honestly drained. I recognize that it's not about speed. It's about one foot in front of the other until I get there.

I want to reach my destination so bad... but my idea of my destination might not be exactly what God has for me.
My goal is to continue writing and reaching people....

I see myself on a beach somewhere.... living in a beach house with a view... writing my stories of encouragement... while I live a life of luxury.

EH. Is this what Jesus has in mind? I have no idea.

All I know is that my heart cries out to get closer to HIM. Wherever I go, I just want it to be with Him.

It's with this desire that I know My ultimate destination, isn't a place. It's a person.

Wednesday, July 2, 2014


One Word.


Simple. Yet, it will change your entire world.

What makes it special to me?

I'm not sure if it struck me the night of my car accident when I flipped my convertible three times after falling asleep at the wheel....

I'm not sure if I truly understood it when I threw away my family for the sake of chasing my own interests....

I'm not sure it hit me when I laid half dressed on the floor with my heart  beating so fast inside my chest after overdosing on meth that death stared me in the face...



 It means so much more to me.. then just being picked out of a crowd. It means more to me than just mere coincidence.

It was that night...Three months after trying to get an abortion for the baby I never deserved to carry...

It was the night that I got on my knees...and prayed to a God I didn't even know existed.
He came down to me.. CALLED ME BY NAME...and in that moment I was redeemed. All of the bad... all of it... changed. My whole world.. wrecked.

"Fear not, for I have redeemed you;
oI have called you by name, you are mine."  Isaiah 43:1

There are days I wonder why God sent Jesus to me... There are  days that I struggle knowing that He came into my room and opened my blind eyes. Why Me?

These past few months I have struggled... greatly.. with my calling. How am I going to live up to what He placed inside of me? Am I confident enough? Am I courageous enough? Or am I still that girl that HE found hiding away from the world... afraid to confront those that would put me down...

Aw, but now... a fire rages...

 I know I was saved from the fire below me and he put a fire inside of me.

I was chosen. Chosen to tell the world about Christ and the redemption that can be found. I was chosen. Chosen to give a message of hope... chosen to give a message of Change. Will I any longer hide and listen to the lies of the enemy? The lies that say... I am only telling people to glorify myself? After all, The enemy knows my greatest fear is being selfish again...

HAH. I laugh in his face. God CHOSE ME. HE CHOSE ALL OF US. Now I know, Nothing's going to hold me back. Here I go. Moving forward, my vulnerability, my emotions, my openness... is not hidden... because that's what reaches people. It touches hearts. It changes lives. I am unashamed of my story... because it is HIS STORY.

When I stand before others and declare a name greater than my own, I will not waiver. I will be confident. I will be bold. For on the Blood of Christ and My testimony, I will stand praising my Father and giving all the glory to the ONE who called me according to HIS PURPOSE.

Are you ready to be bold... because YOU ARE CHOSEN.

The Lord’s Chosen Servant
42 eBehold fmy servant, whom I uphold,
my chosen, gin whom my soul delights;
hI have put my Spirit upon him;
He will not cry aloud or lift up his voice,
or make it heard in the street;
ja bruised reed he will not break,
and a faintly burning wick he will not quench;
khe will faithfully bring forth justice.
He will not grow faint or be discouraged1
till he has established justice in the earth;
and lthe coastlands wait for his law.
Thus says God, the Lord,
who created the heavens mand stretched them out,
who spread out the earth and what comes from it,
nwho gives breath to the people on it
and spirit to those who walk in it:
“I am the Lord; oI have called you2 in righteousness;
I will take you by the hand and keep you;
I will give you pas a covenant for the people,
qa light for the nations,
rto open the eyes that are blind,
to bring out the prisoners from the dungeon,
sfrom the prison those who sit in darkness.
I am the Lord; that is my name;
tmy glory I give to no other,
nor my praise to carved idols.
Behold, the former things have come to pass,
uand new things I now declare;
before they spring forth
I tell you of them.”