This past few weeks I have been exhausted. I have been tested and tried in trusting God with all that I have. I have found myself worn out-- not for the lack of trust--but rather I am tired of trusting God to take care of the same thing time and time again. I am ready for a break-- I am ready to keep my head above water--not just pop up for a breath and sink back down.
God is good. He is sovereign. I know He is going to do so much more than I could believe or ask. Through these trials, He is always faithful.
I had a conversation just praying God would show me whats coming because as I sit chasing my dreams, down to my last dollar, He keeps saying,"the Harvest is coming."
All I can do is trust, believe and follow and pray that through my perseverance I will see the point in all of this... In all of this struggle.
Sometimes I wonder why I keep doing this. Why I keep chasing something when I seem to take 5 steps back and 2 steps forward... God ministered to me the other day on the way home from Church... And again in a dream. Many ways he kept saying "Press On. Keep Going Forward. My righteousness will pave the way and I will be in front of you and behind you."
On the way home from Church this Sunday, my husband and I took the long way... We were just cruising when out of no where a car got behind us. There were several opportunities for this car to pass us, however... As we cruised and it pressed in on our tails... It never took up the opportunity to go around us and leave us in the dust. Austin and I decided to pull over and let the person pass-- and as we did, we watched the car turn on the street 100ft ahead of us.
The Enemy... Is just like this. Getting up on our tails until we get so annoyed that we pull over on the path God has for us. & when he achieves his purpose, he pulls away. But if we would have just pressed on and moved forward 100 more feet, the enemy would have turned away and gave up because he would be tired of chasing us...
Oh man! This is perseverance. To go until you feel like giving up and then go some more! So what's the motivation? How can we keep pursuing God in all of the struggle? What's the reward may be a question we ask.
Lets be honest, we wouldn't play a game if there was no reward at the end. What would be the point? If we went to a carnival and the man said here,"buy all these darts and throw them at a balloon... Oh yeah, and it's all for nothing. No prizes." Would we play?
Heck no! I want a stuffed animal! I won't invest my time or money if there's nothing for me. Yes, that's our mentality.
So as I walk this path of chasing my dreams, I ask God, "what's for me!? What's my reward?"
But then he reminds me through spiritual mentors and His word that HE IS MY PORTION AND THAT IS IT. That is my reward.
When I trust that and when that is enough, than I can focus on Him and focus on the difference that this novel will create, not the dollar that it will make.
My reward for my dreams isn't a big house, a million dollars, or even a new car... No, my reward is my God, my Jesus, and in that I am fulfilled.
So here I go... Off to Colorado... Chasing a dream that only God can catch.