I originally wrote this to share with DOTK13, but decided to also Blog it!
Have a wonderful Night!
I have come to the realization that I am no longer a "baby" in the faith. The tests and trials are extremely different than from when I first became a Christian. I find that things have rocked along really well--extremely well-- GOD is Rich and Real and He has been answering prayers-- lives are changing but then...
Nothing. Just nothing.
&& it's a scary thing when you feel Nothing, when you wonder where the fire went, where the light and HIS presence went and where the Receptive God that had been answering prayers--where did he go?
So I search and search my soul for some sort of sin I have committed because surely I must have done something wrong for God to be shielded from me. I plead with God to show me any obstruction, but hear only silence. Surely I must have to repent of something. But...
(I mean don't get me wrong, I am not perfect and I am not saying I am)
I am saying however, that This nothingness, this silence, is how I know I have grown. The Darkness that I experienced as a "baby" in the faith was different. It was from my sins and I had to confess, repent and obey && then HIS light would come flooding back...
The darkness now is the same darkness that Isaiah felt in Isaiah 50:10-11. It's the darkness that "mature" believers have felt after walking with God for a while-- it's the darkness that creates FAITH.
"Who among you fears The Lord,
and obeys the word of his servant?
Let Him who walks in the dark, who has no light, trust in the name of The Lord and Rely on his God.
But now, all you who light fires
And provide yourself with flaming torches,
Go, walk in the light of your fires,
And the torches you have set ablaze.
This is what you will receive from my hand: you will lie down in torment.
I adore this. If we are truly committed to Christ, sooner or later we will enter a time of darkness.
Summing it up, when we feel like we are in the dark, God just wants us to TRUST him. He wants to build our FAITH AND PERSEVERANCE. He doesn't want us to try to light our own flames and try to "self-generate" or we will be in torment!
That's how I felt before my fast, as if God had just shut me out because he had been talking to me so clearly for so long and then nothing....and I truly believed I had done something and I searched my soul and couldn't find the sin that was blocking Gods light! But now it all makes sense.
Darkness is a severe test and HE reserves it for those who are ready. I am thankful I had experienced it because after I gave up seeking for what I did wrong andfocusing on what God is doing right, God came close and is now whispering more to me than he ever has before.
"Consider it PURE JOY my brothers when you go through trials of many kinds because you know that the Testing of your FAITH develops PERSEVERANCE. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be COMPLETE, not LACKING ANYTHING!" James 1:2-4
If this is a place you have been walking in, if you have felt the darkness cover your spiritual life, remember these scriptures and TRUST in God... Because surely, just as he did with me, HE will reward you by coming closer to you than ever before.