Thursday, March 22, 2012

"Honored Father" - Benjamin's Take

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After waiting in the hallway for what seemed like days, with my face pressed to the floor so that my ears could at least capture the sound of my first child’s birth. He came.
When I walked in, Lesa the birth mother of my child asked me without hesitation, one of the best questions I’d ever been asked - If I would like to hold my son.

There he was, all 7 pounds and 5 ounces and 21 inches long, right in front of me, swaddled in a blanket in the arms of a woman that I could never repay. The emotion inside of me was like none that I had ever felt. It was greater than joy, greater than happiness, greater than excitement, greater than love. The emotion was unexplainable.

Let me tell you a little bit about myself. I have wanted to be a father since the day I got married. I LOVE kids. Ask anyone. I am drawn to them and for some reason they are drawn to me. I told Jamie that as soon as she was ready we were going to do it (pun intended). Every fiber in me was ready to be a father. I know I am created for many reasons and one of them, most assuredly, is to be a father. A father to children of birthed by my wife or through adoption. 

So after close to 4 years of unsuccessful attempts at becoming a father, there I was, a little after 8pm on February 12 finally seeing my miracle alive; my promise fulfilled!

I cannot sit here and type details like Jamie and Lesa can. My brain doesn’t work that way. Chalk it up to being a guy or whatever, but this is how I remember the time leading up to the moment above.

Friday night, February 11, Jamie and Lesa were headed to a woman’s church function for a rally. So I, of course, was headed to my friend Nathan’s house with a bunch of buddies for a men’s movie marathon.

I remember watching a movie, couldn’t even come close to telling you what it was, and receiving a phone call from Jamie with this excitement in her voice, almost to the point to where I couldn’t understand her, telling me they were headed to the hospital.

If you know me than you know my reaction was rather monotone in its outside appearance. I told her okay and that I would go pack up some things for the hospital and wait on her phone call.

All this, while on the inside I was pretty much having the time of my life. I was dancing and yelling and screaming and smiling like a teenage girl at a Justin Bieber concert.

I went and packed, and..............................well, I fell asleep. Jamie was taking too long to call and I was tired, so I went to bed. Don’t even remember Jamie getting home or crawling into bed that night (I am a very strong sleeper). Makes me think if I would of heard her calling. 

The morning of February 12 I headed to our house to fix our water problem. We were staying at our friends, due to our shower being broken and water having to be turned off. I needed to get it done because that night we were going to a Valentine’s dinner that our church was putting on.

All I remember is that the day seemed just like any other for the most part. I got a phone call from Jamie pretty soon after I left informing me that Lesa and her mother were headed to the hospital and that she would call when they admitted her. I called my mother to inform her of the update because I knew she would want to be there. 

I then went back to attempting,as best I could, to fix the shower. To no avail it remained unfixed. I started picking up around the house and trying to stay busy. I was starting to wonder if it was another false alarm, because I hadn’t heard from Jamie. 

I started freaking out. Surely Jamie would have called by now, even if to just let me know nothing was going on or to ask me to grab something else from her millions of clothing options, for her to wear to dinner.

I realized I had no idea as to where my phone was. The search began. It took me literally close to 30 minutes to find it and when I did I had more than a dozen calls from Jamie and a few from my mother.

Voicemail after voicemail of, “Lesa is being admitted, where are you? Grab the bags and head to the hospital.” Ensured me we were having a baby today. 

I called Jamie to get the latest update, to find a very worried bride. I explained my phone fiasco and asked if she or the ladies needed anything. Jamie gave me directions, as any wife and then filling me in. 

A huge smile came across my face not only because I knew I was going to be a father soon, but also because I could hear the joy and excitement in Jamie’s voice. We were going to be parents.

I went and grabbed the bags and headed to the hospital, picking up lunch for myself, Jamie and Lesa’s mom on the way. 

My job at the hospital was the informer. Jamie would tell me updates and then I would relay that on to our families and friends that were there waiting. I was in a constant walk, not wanting to sit down, anxiously awaiting the birth of my son! Jamie says it didn’t take long, but when you are outside the room, not seeing everything first hand, it seemed like it was taking an eternity. I met a lot of new people that night as there were two other families expecting new additions at any moment. Hearing the cry of their new baby made me want to hold Pax even more and brought tears of joy to my eyes at times.

The moment finally came that Jamie said the nurses told Lesa this was going to be the last time she pushed and that if Pax didn’t come out they would have to do a C-section. Of course from getting to know Lesa over the last few weeks and knowing that she wanted to give birth naturally as well as knowing that God answered prayers I knew Pax would be here at any moment and I was ready for him.

Lesa’s sister was there and so her and I laid on the floor with our ears pressed against the door as much as possible to hear what was happening in that room. I remember hearing the nurses say "okay stop pushing we have to get the doctor" because the baby was coming. I remember hearing the doctor enter. I remember hearing laughter. I remember hearing the word push a few times. I remember hearing silence.

And most memorable moment of that night, I heard my baby boy cry for the very first time.

"A woman giving birth to a child has pain because her time has come; but when her baby is born she forgets the anguish because of her joy that a child is born into the world." John 16:21

Since I couldn’t go into the room I ran out to the waiting rooms and informed everyone there that Pax was here. I seemed of overheard measurement wrong and told everyone he was 31” long, I didn’t know any better. I was hugging family and friends until Jamie came and said I could come into the room.

And there he was, my promise! Lesa handed him to me. This woman gave me a miracle, just placed in my arms a beautiful breathing miracle. She trusted me to be his father. I was honored.

"And whoever welcomes one such child in my name welcomes me." Matthew 18:5

The rest of the night was perfect. I held, changed, fed and kissed Pax over and over. We had friends and family pop in and out until close to midnight congratulating us and coming to see (and wanting to hold) Pax.

When I would hold him I was thankful that God would consider us to raise him. I was going to love him with every fiber of my being and I was going to raise him knowing and loving the God who gave him to us. He was going to grow up never doubting if he was loved. Im determined to give him everything he needs and encourage him to be strong and courageous and nothing he would ever do would separate him from my love.

"Start children off on the way they should go
and even when they are old they will not turn from it." Proverbs 22:6

"The father of a righteous child has great joy;
a man who fathers a wise son rejoices in him." Proverbs 23:24

I was a father. Jamie was a mother. We were a family!pastedGraphic_3.pdfpastedGraphic_4.pdfpastedGraphic_5.pdf










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