Monday, May 25, 2015
Confessions of a Tyrant
Truthfully, in our recklessness, we get some sort of sick "happiness" out of watching someone else suffer the way that we did. After all, no one wants to be alone.
That means that it's true that even in madness and chaos, someone will try to bring you where they are so that they aren't alone in their hurt.
It's never personal. The person in the relationship doing the hurting is not doing it to make you feel low, but to make them feel high. There is nothing that you are doing to cause it. The sickness of the unhealthy relationship isn't found in your own soul, but in the one that feels betrayed. Like all sickness though, it will spread.
I've been in abusive relationships. I've also been the abuser in relationships. I've seen both sides. It's not where anyone wants to be, but it's where we often times find ourselves.
Relationships are delicate. It takes one break to damage the rest of them. It takes one break to feel insecure, self-conscious, and doubtful that you will ever truly be able to give your heart to anyone again the way you gave it away the first time.
The first person we love will always be the person that we gave everything to without fear, without looking for it to fail, and without hesitation. When we fall from cloud 9, we continue down the path of searching for a love like the first, without wanting to take the risk again.
Without risk, love isn't possible.
Everyone has a story. But everyone has the same opportunity-to grow from their past, to learn from their mistakes, and to be a victor instead of a victim.
In the eyes of a victim, everyone is out to hurt them. Every action, every word, every effort from their lover is done in vain. A victim is looking for a hole to be filled by the efforts of another instead of seeking a way to fulfill themselves. Happiness is unfathomable. There is never a recollection of what someone has done, but rather the mind set of "what have you done for me lately?" Their emotions are immediate and they react without thinking.
In the eyes of a Victor, they know their self-worth. They are secure in their position. They look at the positive in every circumstance, take responsibility for their actions without blame, and think before they say and act. Happiness is found daily because it's in the small things. They don't seek approval because they know who they are. They are grateful for the gifts they are given and wake up looking at the opportunities that await them.
Recognize that YOU are a VICTOR.
While, I've been hurt and have hurt others, I know that there is no escape from yourself.
Be who you want to be because it is yourself who you will spend the most time with.
Listening to Jar of Hearts by Christina Perri