Monday, May 25, 2015

Confessions of a Tyrant

I am no relationship expert. In fact, I used to go around breaking hearts just for the fun of it. To a lot of us that have been scarred, it's easy to get cold. 

Truthfully, in our recklessness, we get some sort of sick "happiness" out of watching someone else suffer the way that we did. After all, no one wants to be alone. 

That means that it's true that even in madness and chaos, someone will try to bring you where they are so that they aren't alone in their hurt. 

It's never personal. The person in the relationship doing the hurting is not doing it to make you feel low, but to make them feel high. There is nothing that you are doing to cause it. The sickness of the unhealthy relationship isn't found in your own soul, but in the one that feels betrayed. Like all sickness though, it will spread. 

I've been in abusive relationships. I've also been the abuser in relationships. I've seen both sides. It's not where anyone wants to be, but it's where we often times find ourselves. 

Relationships are delicate. It takes one break to damage the rest of them. It takes one break to feel insecure, self-conscious, and doubtful that you will ever truly be able to give your heart to anyone again the way you gave it away the first time. 

The first person we love will always be the person that we gave everything to without fear, without looking for it to fail, and without hesitation. When we fall from cloud 9, we continue down the path of searching for a love like the first, without wanting to take the risk again. 

Without risk, love isn't possible.

In all certainty, if you don't love yourself first, than you have no love to give anyone else. If you find that you are lost in the madness, don't take people there with you. Focus on you. 

What is it YOU need to be happy? If you can't answer the simple question, than you are not ready to be in a relationship. If you don't know what makes you happy, you will look at your partner to fulfill you and it will never be enough.

We all have our baggage. Are we trying to give it to someone else  or work through it with someone else? 

Everyone has a story. But everyone has the same opportunity-to grow from their past, to learn from their mistakes, and to be a victor instead of a victim. 

In the eyes of a victim, everyone is out to hurt them. Every action, every word, every effort from their lover is done in vain. A victim is looking for a hole to be filled by the efforts of another instead of seeking a way to fulfill themselves. Happiness is unfathomable. There is never a recollection of what someone has done, but rather the mind set of "what have you done for me lately?" Their emotions are immediate and they react without thinking. 

In the eyes of a Victor, they know their self-worth. They are secure in their position. They look at the positive in every circumstance, take responsibility for their actions without blame, and think before they say and act. Happiness is found daily because it's in the small things. They don't seek approval because they know who they are. They are grateful for the gifts they are given and wake up looking at the opportunities that await them. 

Recognize that YOU are a VICTOR. 

While, I've been hurt and have hurt others, I know that there is no escape from yourself. 

Be who you want to be because it is yourself who you will spend the most time with. 

Listening to Jar of Hearts by Christina Perri

"Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. 7 Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance." 1 Corinthians 13:4-8

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