"I thank Christ Jesus our Lord, who has given me strength to do his work. He considered me trustworthy and appointed me to serve him, Oh, how generous and gracious our Lord was! He filled me with the faith and love that come from Christ Jesus.
This is a trustworthy saying, and everyone should accept it: “Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners”—and I am the worst of them all. But God had mercy on me so that Christ Jesus could use me as a prime example of his great patience with even the worst sinners. Then others will realize that they, too, can believe in him and receive eternal life." 1 Timothy 1:12, 14-16 NLT
As Austin and I were on our way home from Branson we got into a discussion on mercy and grace. Austin was speaking about a parable he had leaned in Matthew that really applied to our relationship and helped me to understand him in a deeper level... God is so wonderful in how his teachings can cover everything... Not in 100 books, but in One. He is simple and to the point...
Then I told Austin that I had never heard that parable and he looked at me confused and asked," have you read all the gospels."
Woah. Hit hard. Kinda crazy, I love Jesus, but in this moment I realized how much I had to learn about him because I have not read all the Gospels....
I have read the old testament like a crazy woman-- love every part of it-- but in doing this, I have neglected the new testament. The reason this is so important is because when Austin and I were speaking about "Mercy and Grace." we discovered that I have a better grasp on mercy and he has a better grasp of Grace.
Because the old testament is so full or mercy, I have been living my life in gratitude for what God has taken me away from, but not for what he has given me.
I have discovered that I must get a grasp on Grace, because I have a hard time giving up control to God. I have a hard time accepting anything given that I feel as though I don't deserve. And to be honest... I don't deserve it...
But I keep myself so busy because if I am not busy I feel as though I am not earning Gods love.... As if I am not working hard enough to get my salvation... As though I am not working hard enough to prove myself to him...
But because I work so hard, the moments pass by, the people that matter most to me can't find trustworthiness in me because I try to do everything all at once... And the flaw is not because I am not trustworthy, but because I am in pursuit of Gods grace.... And I do not realize that I already Have Gods grace.
After not having a Job for a few weeks now, I have felt lost and discouraged... Because I have found my worth in working...
God always has a reason for things and I finally understand... I can't earn Gods grace, I can't be living so hard in pursuit of something I already have...
So I ask a few things of those who read this... Pray for me to understand what Gods grace truly is, that I get a deeper understanding in Christ, and that he brings me into a place where I can quit trying to earn something he has already given me. Pray that I can live freely and in the moment.... Pray that I find Gods Grace sufficient enough....
All this to say " I will learn the Grace Gods Given and no Longer do busy work, but cherish the moments God have given me now... I want to learn to give thanks for what's been freely given instead of just seeing my dirt... My unworthiness.... Jesus has cleansed me and I didn't deserve or earn it, but I can learn to be thankful for it and Accept it with an open heart."
My mistakes cannot be fixed by my hands, by my work... They can only be fixed by my acceptance of Gods Grace through Christ Jesus.
There's nothing in the world, better than that truth.
Just as humility forces us to acknowledge that we can’t earn God’s favor, it also points our hearts to Jesus Christ and as we look to Christ, the Cross humbles us. Saving faith is not possible without humility. Your faith will be in the thing in which you depend upon. If your dependency is in works, you will put your faith in your good works. If you humble yourself and acknowledge your need for Jesus as savior, you will put your faith in your Christ. It is by faith in Christ that we become righteous. Romans 4:5
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